Low Maintenance, High Engagement

My ex Emily calls herself "low maintenance". like a Tesla that texts every three minutes that its feelings are at 2%.

She's a marketing manager.

So she'd A/B test our arguments: subject line "Quick chat?" then "URGENT: my vibe."

Her "casual" photos took 40 takes and a wind machine. as if spontaneity needed a storyboard.

If I replied in 10 minutes, she'd send a KPI. if her post got 49 likes, we held a crisis meeting.

Then she'd go, "I'm just focusing on myself right now," which basically means, "Everyone form a queue and focus on me, starting with a carousel post by 5pm."